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A Day in the Life of Acorns…..
No two days are the same at Acorns. Monday mornings are set aside for team meetings. We pride ourselves on working collectively to encourage team work, support, sharing of ideas, finding solutions, development and innovation. Maggie and Jaine, the counsellors and Cath, the manager also review all cases on a weekly basis to address any issues, consider the need for further sessions, discuss carers requests for support as well as keeping up to date with new referrals and allocating workers to cases when spaces are available. The following is a summary of A Day in the Life of Acorns…..
Wednesday 18th October 2007
We start our day with coffee all round as we review today’s diary and have a brief discussion about what needs doing. Jayne and Judith get on with the day to day administration and IT tasks as well as taking calls and meeting people who visit or come for sessions. Behind the scenes work but vital to the smooth running of the project. Today we are preparing a funding bid, organising the accommodation, transport and so on for the Small Steps Residential, reviewing our Business Plan and Cath is also attending the Domestic Abuse Partnership meeting and has a counselling session with a carer. Maggie and Jaine review case notes in readiness for the first sessions. In between working with children and people they make notes of the sessions, make or reply to phone calls, attend Child Protection Meetings, support carers and talk about Fenwicks sale!
Introduction session - Maggie
Today I met John* and his mam for the first time when they came for an introduction visit. John is 8 years old and the information that I have tells me that John has lived with domestic violence for most of his life. He is described as a young boy who has difficulty relating to other children, he becomes aggressive when disciplined at school, he is also very protective of his mam. In the meeting room John gathered all the teddies and put them around him keeping himself safe. He looked towards his mam for security. As I began to tell John about the project I noticed he moved closer towards me, especially when I brought my muddle string out of my pocket (always a good way to introduce feelings inside). John nodded as I talked about muddles being mixed up inside. Mam joined in this conversation helping John to hear that mam understood. We spent some time talking about what mam, John and others would notice if things got a little better. This always helps to see what goals the child has, as well as the expectations of others. I invited John and his mam to look around the project and spend some time in the play room. John was keen to have a good look around. When he entered the play room he expressed his delight quickly exploring the room. Sitting on the floor together John took interest in the sand. Using the animals and snakes this offered me the opportunity for me to enter into his world, and to engage him in play. John’s body language suggested that he was less anxious than when he first arrived. I was then able to talk to John about what we could use his sessions for. This gave him some control over his decision offering him time and space to use in a way that would be helpful to him. John chose to come for sessions, we agreed to have eight.
How do I fit in? - Jaine
In our session today it was clear that trust is building within my relationship with James* as he explored what it meant for him to be a man. He talked about being confused about how he was supposed to act. He said he felt different from the other members of his family. He talked about his birth father who was dead and of whom he had little memory. James had been told that he had a fiery temper and he wondered if he was like him, because from a photograph of his Dad, he looked like him. We explored James's feelings of loss, sadness and confusion.
Talking about feelings - Jaine
 Today Sam* told me how his life had changed completely over the past 9 months since the violent incident at his home when he had telephoned the Police. How he had been interviewed by the Police and about the subsequent court case which resulted in his stepfather being imprisoned. Sam shared how unreal and scary this had felt for him. He talked about how he had trusted his stepfather at first but that he now felt tricked by him. Sam was unable to stop his stepfather's violence towards his mam, sisters and himself but coped by protecting his little brother, which gave him a sense of purpose. He spoke of flashbacks he had and how mannerisms of others reminded him of his stepfather. Using the sand he explored his feelings of fear and anger and with the help of imagery was able to express their power and locate them in his body. He was able to control them, at home by retreating into his room but this resulted in him feeling cut off from his family. At school this was more difficult and these feelings created problems. Sam talked of his determination to get back to feeling good and normal and how he would regain the self – control that he described as important in his first session.
Rock of Remembrance - Maggie
Kelly* shared more about her experience of living with violence. Today she used the clay as she explored her feelings of fear and hurt. I asked her if she would like to tell me about what she had made. She said it was a rock. I enquired about the rock. She said it was very old and had once been part of a high cliff but it had broken off and fallen into the sea. In the sea it had been bashed about by the waves, which had hurt it, but the waves washed the rock up onto the beach where it had been picked up and taken home and put on the mantelpiece where people could see it, it was called 'the rock of remembrance' .
Painting it Out - Jaine
It is Michael’s* 4th session. His mood was very low. He had been excluded from school for 3 days for punching a classmate. He was really disappointed in himself and despondent. I noted that his anger was directed at himself and asked if he would like to use the paint. He painted 2 circles, one red and one green, separated by and surrounded by black. I asked him about the colours he had used. Michael said 'red' was 'death' and 'green' was 'life' and the 'black' was 'what's the point'. As I invited him to help me understand, he said he had been thinking of his death but said he could not kill himself as that would hurt his family too much and he could not see self harm as his answer. Michael was really struggling with his anger and we explored how he berated and punished himself. Focusing back to his painting he said this was all in the 'black' and 'red' and I inquired about 'green' and what he knew about himself. As he was talking I noticed that he was using water on the 'red' circle side of the paper, with the water and the brush he rubbed at the paper angrily until it began to tear. On my reflection he said he was having fun and with this he tore off the 'red' circle and crumpled it up in a ball and laid it on the untouched 'green' circle.
Listening and witnessing the pain of the struggle is beneficial.
The End of ‘the Troublemaker’ - Jaine
 Today is Paul’s *8th session. Paul is 13 years old. When he first came he said he was feeling good. I offered a scale of 0-10 to help me know what good meant to Paul. He said he was on 8 and reflected on being on 5 when we started the sessions going down to 3, on session 4, then back to 5 then 6 and 7. We talked about the changes. He said he had noticed he didn’t't spend as much time on his own and things didn't bother him as much, he felt easier inside. I asked if anyone else had noticed the change he answered that his Mum and some of his teachers had and added 'the Troublemaker' had gone. Paul chose session 9 for his last session, just before his 14th birthday, which he said was ‘the start of his new year’. It was an honour for me to be part of this young person’s journey.
Struggling to Talk - Maggie
Today I saw Tom*, he is 9 years old. He has taken some huge steps in finding a way to tell his story. Today he made the most fantastic dragon, talking, smiling and showing pride in himself, this has been an enormous struggle for him. It’s great to see him pleased with himself and recognising his strengths. Tom told me school are pleased with him and he’s making friends. Wow! When Tom first began his sessions he described himself as angry, naming his angry as like the beast, massive and in control of him causing him bother at home and at school. Over the weeks Tom has used animals to tell his story, he was unable to use words – week after week I watched a series of aggression, destruction and incredible loss, all in silence. Tom then needed to move into talking but could not find a way through, he invited his mum into a session to help us find a way, which she did. This helped him move into talking and using drama to express his feelings towards his dad. Now we are nearly at the end of 16 sessions and are finding a way to say goodbye, guess what he’s inviting his mam in again. I never stop learning from these brilliant children.
Review session - Maggie 
Today is Kate’s* review. She has had 8 sessions. Kate is 8 years old, she is lively, full of energy, and smiles fill her face when I greet her at the door. She is always keen to come into her session. Kate has special education needs and has global delay functioning at 4 years old. Kate has witnessed violence towards her mother all her life. During her sessions Kate has used the toys, sand and paint to show me how scared she has been, she has acted out things she has witnessed using symbolic play, often with very detailed description. She has used non-directive play to tell her story and share her feelings. In reviews I offer children the opportunity to invite their parent/carer. They become the consultant and I am in the role of assistant. Kate pulls the small chair up to where her mam is sitting. She sits up straight placing her hands on her knees. Then we begin. I ask Kate what she wants to tell mam about our time together in the room. Kate instructs me to get the spider and then directs me to be scared; she then gets me to get the policemen checking I have the right ones she has used. I then have to be angry (oh I forgot I had to use the tent for this). Through this process Kate showed her mam how scared she had been, how angry she was, and that she was still worried about her mam being hurt. Kate’s mam was overwhelmed by what Kate had been able to show her. We agreed more sessions would be helpful for Kate and we may use Theraplay principles to move forward in Kate’s future sessions.
I have been privileged to have been witness to this little girl’s story.
Girls Allowed Group – Maggie & Jaine
We spend time preparing the room, cushions and creative materials, bring in their masks. We wonder if we will use the messy room tonight. Who will come? We spend time reflecting on last session, lots of challenges to meet last week. The group worked so hard tonight, they all came together sharing their painful experiences. Big discussion about death, violence and scary things. Rosie* sharing wanting to be little again being messy, led into messy paint exercise, releasing emotions, naming feelings, crossing boundaries. Sharing, listening to each other. The group have been able to take a massive step in trust tonight. We were remembering the first session when they all found it difficult to speak to each other or us. How Mary* could not face the group and turned herself away. We always believed in them. And thanks to our wonderful supervisor we also continued to believe in ourselves and each other.
Is it My Fault? – Cath
Ann* is the mother of 3 children. They lived with violence for 12 years. Ann loved Tom*. After an abusive childhood he was her knight in shining armour. He showed her love, cared for her, told her how beautiful she was, how he couldn’t live without her. Little Tom* was born (Tom chose his name). Tom chose her clothes, babies clothes, where to go, what to do, when to eat, what to eat, how to be a mam, how not to be a mam. When Ann tried to talk to Tom about what she wanted in her life he told her she was stupid, mental, what did she know? Now and then when she tried to stand up for herself or little Tom, or Kevin* (Kevin Keegan was Tom’s idol) or baby Rose* (Tom’s mam’s name) he hit her, pushed her, threatened to kill them all. After 12 years Ann left. She has lived in the Refuge for 6 months, is now rehoused and the 2 boys are coming to Acorns.
Ann has had 6 sessions. She has blamed herself for the affect of Tom’s behaviour on the children. Blamed herself for not being a good wife and mam. Blamed herself for not leaving sooner. Today though Ann looks different. She holds her head up, wears a pink top (usually she wears dark clothes), her hair is shining. For the first time she asks the question ‘Is it my fault?’. ‘No Ann it isn’t your fault, you are not responsible for Tom’s behaviour’,I say. She smiles and says, ‘No I’m not’.
….And so ends another day as session notes are completed, rooms tidied in readiness for tomorrows clients, a quick de-brief of the day and then… ‘see you tomorrow’!
* names have been changed
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